An issue that apparently must be addressed…

My husband has been a huge supporter of this website from day one. Not only has he found joy in my ability to flex my writing muscles, but he has directly reaped the benefits of my receiving toys to review on a weekly basis. In fact, I’d venture to say that our sex life has never been better, as a result of this website. We have been able to keep things fresh and enjoy each other’s bodies just as much today as we did years ago.

So why am I even bringing this up? A couple reasons. First, I got word that the principal of my daughter’s private school is aware of my website. How he got a hold of that information is irrelevant to me. I just know that he knows. Big deal. I use a pen name here and my husband is aware of what I’m “up to”. I’m an adult, I am allowed to have outside hobbies, end of story. In any case, my husband knows about my website. He loves my website. He loves that we have a healthy sex life. And he loves that I don’t look at sex as something to be ashamed of, but as a healthy part of life.

And then I received a most disturbing phone call today….
A pseudo teacher at my daughter’s school, one who is also a member of our church, calling me for a massage. It didn’t seem out of place to me, because he and I had gone to the same school and I’d given him a quick chair massage before. His wife had also approached me on being a referral therapist for the doctor’s office she works for. So, they were both fully aware of my career as a Massage Therapist. Unbeknownst to me, he was also aware of this website….

He called me this morning, asking if he could get a massage and asked how much. I told him the salon I work at charges $55-60 for an hour and I had openings today. I told him I also do some appointments from my home (for people that I know personally, and feel safe with, obviously) if he’d feel more comfortable coming here, but that I wouldn’t have any time for that until Monday. He said he would rather come to my house, so we set it up for Monday morning. I gave him my address and I said I’d see to him Monday, unless I heard otherwise. He asked how my husband was doing, how things were with us, and asked if he was at work. I told him we were great, and said that he was, indeed at work for the day.

He sounded very nervous, which is not altogether unusual. Sometimes people tend to get that way when it comes to massage, especially when it comes to the massage therapist being someone you know personally. So when he asked me questions about how the massage would go, I wasn’t really surprised.

“So, is it going to be in the chair thing, like it was at the school?” he asked

“No, I use a table. But if you prefer to stay clothed, I can have you remain dressed and work outside your clothes” I told him, thinking he was nervous to be mostly undressed around me.

“Oh no. I don’t mind being naked. It’s fine. Most people are naked, right?” he wondered.

“Yes, people are usually mostly undressed, but always covered by a sheet discreetly. It’s a matter of preference for each person” I let him know, reassuring that either way would be fine. “So, anyway, I’ll see you on Monday, unless I hear otherwise.” I said, trying to get him off the phone.

I hung up, thinking that there was nothing more than massage related, bashful awkwardness going on. Then, about two hours later, I got another phone call from him.

“Hey, it’s ___ calling again, I think Monday will work. I’ll just come after I finish with my other stuff” he says.

“Oh, ok” I say, confused as to why he’s calling, since the plan was for him to call me if there was a problem with our appointment time.

“…So, your address, yeah. I have that. Um. Yeah… that’s….where is it?” he asked, with obvious nervousness.

I explained the directions and tried to end the conversation, as I was nearly about to leave to go to work. He seemed to just want to linger on the phone with me, and I couldn’t figure out what the deal was. Usually when people are that nervous about massages, they tend to make any speaking interactions brief and minimal. But he continued to stammer and then finally said,
“Now, don’t get mad…but I found your website.”

Totally surprised at where he would get that information, since I didn’t know about the principal knowing at that point, I asked “Oh? What website exactly?”

“You know, Fantastically Naughty. It’s cool…. I like it”, he said.

“Oh, I see. Uh, how did you come across it?” I asked, genuinely surprised. After all, my real name is no where on this page and I don’t connect this page with any of my personal stuff.

“I was just browsing….uh…directoryorsomething, hey, so what, do you use, like, oil and…. stuff… from your site during massages?” He asked.

Growing upset with where this appeared to be going, I simply said “I use grape seed oil.”

“So…uh…are we….uh….Monday…is that good? Are we…uh.. are we on?”

“Uh…” I said, growing upset.

“So like, does Eric know about your site?”

“Yes. He does.”

“Oh, I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if he was cool about it or not. Is he at work right now?”

“Yes. Eric is fully aware of my website”, I say, wondering how any reviewer could possibly hide it from their partners with the sheer amount of packages that come on a weekly basis. “I need to get going” I said to him, ending the conversation abruptly.

“Oh, yeah, ok then.”

I hung up and called my husband right away. I told him I felt really weird about how the conversation went, and as I was on the phone with my husband, the guy called me again, leaving a voicemail (which I saved, by the way) that said (verbatim):

“Hey Jess, it’s ___. I’m so sorry to call you back. I know you’re leaving for work. But um, if we can, can we keep this between you and I. Um, I mean totally just you and I. I mean Eric and I’m not gonna tell *His wife*….I don’t know how she’d react to that. If you feel comfortable with that, that would be great. Um, so just let me know and give me a call back whenever. That’d be great. Thanks!“

When I got the message, we had a back and forth of texts, as follows:

So….he was asking me to keep my WEBSITE between he and I? After I told him, quite clearly, that Eric knows about it? He sends text after text after text, but doesn’t answer his phone when my husband calls him? Right. Accountability, sir. Accountability.

I thought about deleting my site to avoid the drama, but you know? I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m a wife with a healthy sexual appetite, a mother who would do anything for her daughter, including but not limited to withstanding whispers and finger pointing at myself to ensure that she continues to receive the best education possible, and a strong feminist role model, despite what some of you may think.

It’s ironic how I, with tattoos, nose ring, purple hair, and a zomgsinner sex related site, am being portrayed as some kind of villain or harlot in this situation. Yet, the married school employee is quite clearly trying to keep some kind of secret with me, also married, at the very least. Perhaps we should talk about glass houses and stones? Kettles and pots?

One final thing: “I will pray for you”. This is the universal, “fuck you, you’re a heathen and I’m not” from many a church goer. Don’t patronize me, gents. Happy reading 🙂