Chaz does “The New Romantix”

Max Royale’s piece “The New Romantix” is interesting, to say the very least. First thing I want to say is that this bad boy is long. There are 7 full length scenes with some short (which is a relative term) introductions. The idea seems to be to introduce 6 ladies, who are already pretty well known, to us in this sort of awkward barroom Q&A. We all know how that one goes, you’ve gotten past the introductions and you know where each other work and then you want to find out whether or not they’re going to go down on you so you ask some questions about sexual history. Yeah, those questions.

The first lady we’re introduced to is Ryan Keeley who beats her pussy like it owes her money. She furiously masturbates with a nice looking glass dildo. Her orgasm in this scene seriously lasts about 4 minutes and I have never wished I was a glass tube before, but I wished it pretty hard while watching that scene. I’m not normally a huge fan of female masturbation scenes but this one was definitely hot. Oh, and she’s from Seattle, if you give a shit about that.

Speaking of not giving a shit, Joanna Angel spends some time introducing herself and talking about going to South by Southwest which just makes me wonder how I didn’t notice Joanna Angel at South by Southwest. Anywho – her whole scene is a pretty standard sex scene with a sort of teenage girl theme. She dances around in her underwear a little bit; which is cool who doesn’t love when sexy ladies dance around in their underwear. She has a signed photograph of some dude, apparently a celebrity crush a la “Tiger Beat” that she becomes enamored with; so much so, in fact, she can’t help but be overcome by the desire to masturbate, which is cool because there are cameras watching. Ladies who look like Joanna Angel – I encourage you to become overcome with the desire to masturbate in front of cameras. But I digress. I was a bit disappointed because I thought I was about to watch six incredibly beautiful ladies talk and then masturbate. I mean that’s cool if you’re into that sort of thing but I don’t really care about your psycho-social development when I’m watching porn.

Thankfully, I was wrong! Joanna Angel takes it in the ass like a champ in this scene. I’m not normally a big fan of the anal, but this scene was hot. Oh, and this was an interesting directorial decision – the music stopped after the straight sex and then started again shortly after the anal began. It was noticed and well-played. Kudos, Max Royale.

Speaking of AWESOME directorial decisions, Max puts Lexi Belle, easily the cutest face in the history of porn, and Lexi Bardot in the same bounce house threesome with some disembodied wiener. You heard me right, the internet, a bounce house threesome. Brilliant. Give this man the Oscar for best fucking idea ever. Literally “fucking idea,” in case you were wondering.

The next scene is Lexi Bardot and Joanna Angel in a pretty authentic bathroom oral sex threesome. It starts the way most barroom bathroom sexual encounters start – with what appeared to be one chick doing some coke while the other one sucked some dick. I may be wrong, of course, it’s just that most of my bathroom oral threesomes that are all about me start with one chick doing coke while the other smokes the meat. In case you can’t tell by my tone, I’m not a big fan of this scene. It does have one big positive – I don’t have to concern myself with the sexual development of either of these fine young ladies.
In case you were wondering, by the time Avy Lee Roth started talking I started fast-forwarding. This scene would have been one of my favorites because of the whole butt-rock Poison Whitesnake aesthetic it had going on, but about halfway through the scene, my disc said “unreadable” and I never got to finish the scene. Luckily the damage was just on this scene and I got to see the next one.

Riley Mason is hot. She is seriously hot. She gives a great blowjob in this scene and follows it up by just taking a serious pounding in some unusual positions. There is a time where ol’ dude is getting her doggy style that her ass cheeks are actually moving at opposition to each other. Seriously – it’s like they have a mind of their own. It was like a hypnosis show except I wanted to fuck the watch.
The last scene is just plain weird. It’s shot in INFRARED and announces as much. Basically, it looks like a couple of people fucking in a darkroom, for all of you art nerds who took photography in high school. Lexi Bardot announces that she “Likes to fuck” and proceeds to prove it all over that darkroom with the red light. This scene was interesting but it wasn’t really hot. Sorry, Lexi.

Anyway, I would recommend buying the shit out of this DVD. It comes with some extra media files so you can keep whatever scene you like on your portable media device. That way, when you masturbate on public transportation, you don’t have to use your imagination.

Thanks Babeland, for sending me this awesome porn to review! Grab your copy of The New Romantix here.